Great Expectations

My whole life I have had great expectations of others and how I think things should go. You know “My Way!!” However, most of the time this is not the situation and it usually leads me into feelings of disappointment and frustration, sometimes anger and depression.

It doesn’t have to be anything in particular. Usually, I think a scenario will have a certain result, and “wham-o”…I was wrong. I thought marriage would be different. I thought my relationship with my mom would be different. I thought God would “train me up in the way I should go” differently, and trust me there have been and will probably be many more.

Whew…these expectations are a killer. They almost killed my marriage and my relationship with my mom. Not to mention, anything God does will not match our thoughts, because His ways are higher than ours and His thoughts (well, need a I say more). I have spent many a day crying over unmet expectations.

I know I am not the only one who has these feelings, because these days lots of people are bombarded with the disappointment of their expectations not being met. I am learning though. I am learning to take all my unpleasant complaints of distrust and “Why God?”, and “I just don’t understand” to Him. I don’t always trust Him, so sometimes it takes a minute (or days, or weeks, or more…) to bring it back to Him and cast all my cares on Him. I do know the longer I wait, the harder it is. By the way, waiting years…eeks! BIG MISTAKE!!! God did heal me though. Thank you, Lord.

(Doing this blog can make me sound super spiritual, but for the most part I am just working out my salvation.)

“Lord, you know what’s in my heart, and how crushed I feel. You know how difficult this is for me. Please help me to get through this. Help me to be the person you want me to be. I choose to forgive. Help me to forgive.”

The Hard Road

This week I found myself in a bad place, doing the wrong thing. It was actually more of a position, and the thing I was doing was adding fuel to an already burning anger/frustration. The Word of God reads in Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof."

The kind of seed a person plants (the words they speak) have a lot to do with the fruit they are partaking of. Words of wisdom are really God's word spoken gently and rationally. That is, they are rationed out so that one doesn't have too much or too little. This is done by the unction of the Holy Spirit. However, words spoken in haste are not clearly thought, but come from the place in the heart which has not been sanctified by God. It is the part of us we call our "flesh" and out of it's abundance can be hurtful speech, both for the speaker and the hearer.

Over the course of the last several days, I have spoken with wisdom, but also in haste. I was afforded an opportunity to speak my mind and share my heart in both wise and unwise ways. In the process I failed being true to no one, and now am feeling I lost the opportunity to strengthen and nurture important relationships. I cannot take back what I have said, but perhaps learn how to guard my mouth from supporting two opposing perspectives.

It was so easy to speak with haste and anger, but my desire is to take the much harder road and speak only with God's wisdom when prompted by Him to do so. For those who know me, I ask your forgiveness.

Sign of God

Have you ever driven down the same road about a zillion times and one day say, "Hey, when did they put up that sign?" Only to find out that the sign had been there forever. You just never saw it. Makes you think that maybe you weren't paying attention, but you know that you were.

Tonight, that happened to me. I have had a computer and internet for years, but only in the last few weeks have my eyes been opened. It's just like driving past the sign, it was there all along and I never noticed it.

I'm blogging. I never blogged before, hardly read other people's stuff and made a couple of comments. So, now, here I am, sending my thought out there for the whole world to see. And that's the point.

The Amazing God I serve is using His people after years of preparation. We've been here all along, but now it's time to be a "sign" for the world to see. The passersby in our life will be saying to themselves, "Where did that sign come from?" And we can gladly point to the Cross. Therefore, I blog now. I am now a "sign" God can use. Have you noticed any new "signs" in your life?

Beautiful things

This last week was so crazy. Everyday can be marked with something bad happening. Whenever I would share what was going on in my life, it just seemed unreal. The break-in, the break-downs, and the broken hearts left in the wake of a loved one's passing. I mean it was just so amazing. Not to mention the people of Haiti, who's lives have been so devastatingly altered.

However, and this may seem trite, I noticed a passage in Ecclesiastes that has kinda gripped me. I have heard the passage in Chapter 3 many times and know the song pretty well. "To every thing, turn, turn, turn. There is a season, turn ..." Anyway, you get it. If we will go past the parts everybody knows about a time for this and a time for that, there we will find in verse 11 "He hath made every thing beautiful in His time..."

What a good God we have that He takes the messed up, crazy things and makes them beautiful. Maybe it doesn't seem very terrific at the moment the world comes crashing down around us, but in the aftermath of our destruction and brokenness, if we allow Him, The Lord is there for us. Oh, what tremendous joy and peace can come from the worst of circumstances. Maybe it won't come immediately, but when it comes that is when God has made our "thing" beautiful.

Will A Man Rob GOD? (not a tithing message)

The other day my house was broken into. Several pieces of jewelry and a couple other things were taken. To the person(s) who perpetrated this crime, those items mean a few dollars and perhaps a quick thrill. However, for me, the worth of those items lies in their sentimental value.

A ring...given to me by my mother on the night of my wedding rehearsal. Special because she gave it to me and even more special because it was her mothers. A camera...bought specifically for our first family vacation (Orlando, Disney World), and now I have to buy a cheap throw away for my son's 1st basketball game. There are other disappointing feelings with similar memories, but the memories can never be stolen.

Yet...

How many times do we rob God of His greatest treasure? He paid the price for His son's death. Unable to look upon him as Jesus took upon the sins of the world. He suffers as we take, and take, and take with little regard for His, Our Father's, need. I've heard some preachers say things like: "God doesn't need us...our money...our time...our talent. It's all His." But if he didn't need us, why would he create us?

He created other things, angels and beasts (animals), but they don't have the ability to commune with God. He gave us the the ability to have a relationship with Him, and paid a hefty price for it. There is a song that goes, "He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me that I am His own..." That's what is robbed from Him everyday...relationship.

Don't rob God, because you are really only robbing yourself, and memories to treasure. Awesome, wonderful, eternal memories.