No Excuse

You may not know me or anything about me.   I really don’t care if you know me or not.  I want you to know the one who saved my life.  You might ask, “Why?”  “What do I need him for?”  Or maybe, you think that you have done such horrible things or that such horrible things have been done to you that He couldn’t possible love you or want you.

Well, I can tell you that that is just not true.  I was the victim of sexual molestation as a little girl.  Not by one perpetrator, but two.  One was by a family member over a period of time, the other a one time occurrence by someone I didn’t really know.  I suffered emotional and physical abuse, by peers and one of my family members. I have been beaten by someone I loved.  I have been refused tenderness, and given subjection.

In response, I did it all.  Drugs.  Alcohol.  Sex.  Self-Mutilation.  I even attempted suicide twice.  Some of the things I did and tried are so vile (to me) that I cannot print them.  I HATED myself.  I struggled with anger, depression, and a sense of desperate worthlessness.

But...Jesus saved my life.

I was so messed-up that I had to and still have to keep coming to Him.  I have come to him so empty and broken that I lost my ability to breath, because the hurt was so strong.

Biblically, in some instances the word for salvation and the word for deliverance are interchangeable.  No matter which you need He can do both.  Is it easy?  No, it is the hardest thing you will ever do.  I thought if I laid down my pain, my abuses, “who will I be?”

I couldn’t imagine then that today I would be able to tell you this and be glad that I can.  I am not in pain anymore.  I am not desperate or alone.  He has called me His own and He will do the same for you.  If you know Jesus as Savior, let me remind you to rejoice in your trial, tribulation and testimony.

However, if YOU have ever thought, “I am just a speck, why would He even care?”  If YOU have ever thought, “I don’t need Him.”  “I can do it by myself.”  I’m a survivor, because I survive everything.”  Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are unworthy of REAL LOVE.

Say this with me (YOU have nothing to lose and every thing to gain):

             Jesus, I don’t know you, but I am willing to reach out.  Please reach back to me.  Jesus, please come into my heart and forgive me of all my mistakes, all the sins I have committed against you, myself and others. Help me to forgive those who have sinned against me. I want to know real love. Show me Your love. Show me Your peace. Save my life. Thank you.

If you said this prayer, I am so excited for you.  Now continue to talk to Him and begin to look for Him moving in your life.  You need to get a bible and ask God to lead you in reading His word.  If you don’t have a bible, there are plenty of websites online.  I have heard other ministers say to read John (the 4^th book in the New Testament).  It is a good place to start your walk with the Lord.  Welcome to YOUR NEW LIFE.

Back On Track

“Adversity” was the title of my last blog, several months ago. Little did I know the prophecy of my own words. God is faithful, and I have endured.

I can say that it matters not the trial of your faith, but that you maintain faith through the trial. It matters not the pain you must endure, but only that you do endure. It matters not what you are losing or laying down for the sake of following Christ, but that you realize that laying it down is the only way to follow him.

I have so much to learn and do in preparation for what God has called me to do. I am not ready, but I know that it is time to “Go!” I can hear Him calling me everyday. Where? When? How? I don’t know, but He does. So I will walk in the steps ordered by Him and Him alone. Not the ways of man, or my own flesh.

However, as I learned the other night, I must make sure to stay “well oiled” or all that I do will be in vain. I don’t just want to talk people about Jesus, but I personally need to continue to experience him for myself. “In His Presence is fullness of Joy”, and it is so true. Without the presence of God, I know for a fact that it takes no time at all to get dry and brittle. Soaking, basking, dwelling in His Presence, is the only way to endure.

Doing this will cause us to deal with the fact that we 1) can’t do it alone, 2) weren’t meant to do it alone, and 3) go to the Only One who can get us through. I am so glad that He is faithful to bring us through. 1 & 2 equals a broken and contrite spirit; 3 is Him not denying us.

I also don’t want to just talk to others about Jesus, but I want to introduce them to the one who saved my life. I want them to be free. I want God to talk to them. I want the Holy Spirit to so totally invade the conversation or meeting than lives are changed/transformed.

“Lord, I know that without you I can do nothing. Thank you for bringing me through the last year and upholding me when I thought my foot was about to slip. I know that I have done nothing to deserve your love and grace, but I am your daughter and your servant and I love you so much. Lord, it is not just our relationship, but you desire what we have with everyone.”